Matt and Ryan
enter stage right with scripts.
Matt: So, Ryan,
what do you think of the skit?
Ryan: Well, it’s
not much of a skit, Matt. All we do is tell jokes. It might not work.
Matt: Why not?
Ryan: Well, when
I tell jokes like this, I always mess them up and the people don’t laugh at
them.
Matt: Sure they
will. Come on give it a try. Tell the first joke.
Ryan: Ok, if you
say so. (Ryan looks at his script and
starts to read the joke) (Dryly) Did you hear about the side walk……………..
Matt: No, no,
no! Ryan, you are way to dry! You
need to be more……………flamboyant, exuberant, zestful, exciting………….zingy!
Ryan: Zingy?
Matt: You know
what I mean. Try it again.
Ryan: Fine! (Again Ryan looks at his script and starts
to read the joke)(Still dry) Did you hear about the side walk…………Matt, I
just can’t do it! You do it.
Matt: I can’t do
that.
Ryan: Why not.
Matt: Because I
can’t be Ryan and Matt. Besides, you’re Ryan, an if you’re Ryan and I’m Ryan,
we will have two Ryan’s and one Matt.
Ryan: Why can’t
I be Matt.
Matt: Because
I’m Matt and you’re Ryan. And since I have a hard time being Matt, you
definitely can’t be Matt. And I can’t be
both because if I was both, do you know who you would be...You’d be a Nobody.
Ryan: Huh? Well,
how about I’ll be Ryan and I’ll say Matt’s lines since Matt has no jokes and
you be Matt and say Ryan’s lines since Ryan has all the jokes………………Hey, why is
that, that I have all the jokes?
Matt: Are you
kidding, me tell those lame jokes, I would look silly.
Ryan: Well,
you’re telling them now.
Matt: Ok, this
is how you tell a joke. (Matt clears
thought) Hey, Ryan, did you hear about the side walk?
Ryan: No!
Matt: It’s all
over town.
(Pause)
Ryan: I hate to
break it to you, but that joke is not very funny.
Matt: I think
you’re right. What we need is something funny to go along with it.
Ryan and
Matt stand there thinking for a few seconds.
Ryan snaps
his fingers.
Ryan: I’ve got
it. (Ryan runs off stage and then come
back on with a small card-board tube)This will bring a laugh!
Matt: What is
it?
Ryan: It’s a
Laugh Garrenteer.
Matt: What? It
looks like a card board tube.
Ryan: It is. But
it is also a Laugh Garrenteer.
Matt: How does
it work?
Ryan: You’ll
see! Go ahead and tell the next joke.
Matt: Ok. (Matt reads from script again.) Did you
hear that the police are investigating the stick-up on the bridge?
Ryan: No, what
about it?
Matt: They’re
trying to figure out who put it up there!
Matt starts
laughing and looks at the audience. Ryan jumps and hits Matt over the head with
the card board tube.
Matt goes
cross-eyed, drops his script, grabs his head and falls over. Then he rolls
around on the floor for a minute then stagers to his feet.
Matt: (Slowly)
What was that?
Ryan: That was
the Laugh Garrenteer at work.
Matt: I don’t
think that I like the Gaugh Larreteer. It kinda’ hurts.
Ryan: Yea, but
you’ve heard the saying, “No pain, no laugh!”
Matt: I thought
that it was “No pain, no gain!”
Ryan: That’s the
problem, you thought. Now read the next lines.
Matt: (Matt
reads from the script again) Don’t worry folks, that was just the warm-up
jokes. Not I’ll tell the real ones.
Ryan: Uh oh! I
think that I going to need a bigger Garrenteer.
Ryan runs
off stage and comes back with a bigger card board tube.
Ryan: Ok, tell
the next jokes.
Matt: As long as
it’s only for the laughs (reads from script) Knock, knock.
Ryan: Who’s
there?
Matt: Wait a
minute, let me check!
Ryan jumps
and hits Matt over the head with the card board tube. Matt grabs his head and
runs around the stage screaming.
Matt: Ow, that
really hurts. Can we stop?
Ryan: No,
remember “The show must go on!”
Matt: It doesn’t
say anything about the practice?
Ryan: Fine, I’ll
tell you what, I’ll read the next joke to give you a break. (Ryan reads from
the script) Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?
Matt: Why?
Ryan: He wanted
to hide in the package of M&M’s.
Matt and
Ryan are both looking at the audience. Ryan extends the tube toward Matt for
him to take it. Matt looks dawn at the tube and takes it, then looks at the
audience and smiles and nods. Then he points at Ryan, without looking at him,
and then makes a hitting motion with the tube and nods again. While he is doing
that Ryan grabs that smaller tube off the floor and when Matt is done and is
about to hit Ryan on the head, Ryan
jumps and hits Matt over the head with the small card board tube. Matt Throws
the big tube in the air and falls over, then stagers to his feet again.
Matt: (Stammering and slowly) I have an idea.
Ryan: What?
Matt: Instead of
doing a skit, let’s teach the audience about how to treat for a concussion,
because if they want one, all they need to do is tell you a joke, Ryan.
Ryan grabs
both tube and chases matt of the stage.
Exit stage
right.
Props_________________________________________________________________________
1 small card board tube
1 large card board tube
scripts
