"The Laugh Garrenteer!" by Matt Dustin and Ryan Gick

Matt and Ryan enter stage right with scripts.

Matt: So, Ryan, what do you think of the skit?

Ryan: Well, it’s not much of a skit, Matt. All we do is tell jokes. It might not work.

Matt: Why not?

Ryan: Well, when I tell jokes like this, I always mess them up and the people don’t laugh at them.

Matt: Sure they will. Come on give it a try. Tell the first joke.

Ryan: Ok, if you say so. (Ryan looks at his script and starts to read the joke) (Dryly) Did you hear about the side walk……………..

Matt: No, no, no! Ryan, you are way to dry! You need to be more……………flamboyant, exuberant, zestful, exciting………….zingy!

Ryan: Zingy?

Matt: You know what I mean. Try it again.

Ryan: Fine! (Again Ryan looks at his script and starts to read the joke)(Still dry) Did you hear about the side walk…………Matt, I just can’t do it! You do it.

Matt: I can’t do that.

Ryan: Why not.

Matt: Because I can’t be Ryan and Matt. Besides, you’re Ryan, an if you’re Ryan and I’m Ryan, we will have two Ryan’s and one Matt.

Ryan: Why can’t I be Matt.

Matt: Because I’m Matt and you’re Ryan. And since I have a hard time being Matt, you definitely can’t be Matt.  And I can’t be both because if I was both, do you know who you would be...You’d be a Nobody.

Ryan: Huh? Well, how about I’ll be Ryan and I’ll say Matt’s lines since Matt has no jokes and you be Matt and say Ryan’s lines since Ryan has all the jokes………………Hey, why is that, that I have all the jokes?

Matt: Are you kidding, me tell those lame jokes, I would look silly.

Ryan: Well, you’re telling them now.

Matt: Ok, this is how you tell a joke. (Matt clears thought) Hey, Ryan, did you hear about the side walk?

Ryan: No!

Matt: It’s all over town.

(Pause)

Ryan: I hate to break it to you, but that joke is not very funny.

Matt: I think you’re right. What we need is something funny to go along with it.

Ryan and Matt stand there thinking for a few seconds.

Ryan snaps his fingers.

Ryan: I’ve got it. (Ryan runs off stage and then come back on with a small card-board tube)This will bring a laugh!

Matt: What is it?

Ryan: It’s a Laugh Garrenteer.

Matt: What? It looks like a card board tube.

Ryan: It is. But it is also a Laugh Garrenteer.

Matt: How does it work?

Ryan: You’ll see! Go ahead and tell the next joke.

Matt: Ok. (Matt reads from script again.) Did you hear that the police are investigating the stick-up on the bridge?

Ryan: No, what about it?

Matt: They’re trying to figure out who put it up there!

Matt starts laughing and looks at the audience. Ryan jumps and hits Matt over the head with the card board tube.

Matt goes cross-eyed, drops his script, grabs his head and falls over. Then he rolls around on the floor for a minute then stagers to his feet.

Matt: (Slowly) What was that?

Ryan: That was the Laugh Garrenteer at work.

Matt: I don’t think that I like the Gaugh Larreteer. It kinda’ hurts.

Ryan: Yea, but you’ve heard the saying, “No pain, no laugh!”

Matt: I thought that it was “No pain, no gain!”

Ryan: That’s the problem, you thought. Now read the next lines.

Matt: (Matt reads from the script again) Don’t worry folks, that was just the warm-up jokes. Not I’ll tell the real ones.

Ryan: Uh oh! I think that I going to need a bigger Garrenteer.

Ryan runs off stage and comes back with a bigger card board tube.

Ryan: Ok, tell the next jokes.

Matt: As long as it’s only for the laughs (reads from script) Knock, knock.

Ryan: Who’s there?

Matt: Wait a minute, let me check!

Ryan jumps and hits Matt over the head with the card board tube. Matt grabs his head and runs around the stage screaming.

Matt: Ow, that really hurts. Can we stop?

Ryan: No, remember “The show must go on!”

Matt: It doesn’t say anything about the practice?

Ryan: Fine, I’ll tell you what, I’ll read the next joke to give you a break. (Ryan reads from the script) Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?

Matt: Why?

Ryan: He wanted to hide in the package of M&M’s.

Matt and Ryan are both looking at the audience. Ryan extends the tube toward Matt for him to take it. Matt looks dawn at the tube and takes it, then looks at the audience and smiles and nods. Then he points at Ryan, without looking at him, and then makes a hitting motion with the tube and nods again. While he is doing that Ryan grabs that smaller tube off the floor and when Matt is done and is about to hit Ryan on the head,  Ryan jumps and hits Matt over the head with the small card board tube. Matt Throws the big tube in the air and falls over, then stagers to his feet again.

 Matt: (Stammering and slowly) I have an idea.

Ryan: What?

Matt: Instead of doing a skit, let’s teach the audience about how to treat for a concussion, because if they want one, all they need to do is tell you a joke, Ryan.

Ryan grabs both tube and chases matt of the stage.

Exit stage right.

Props_________________________________________________________________________

1 small card board tube

1 large card board tube

scripts