Ryan is sitting on stage a table looking board and looking at his watch
Two chairs
Ryan: Where is he! I told Matt to be here a 6:30! He’s late! It’s already 6:31! Leave it to Matt to be here late on our first morning to breakfast in years! Or at least 6 months! Where is he?
Matt enters stage right
(Ryan sounds happy now)
Ryan stands up and greets Matt
Ryan: Matt! How ya doin’!
Matt: Not too bad! Hope you weren’t sitting here long! I didn’t mean to be late! There was a tock of flurkeys I mean a flock turkeys in the road and I couldn’t just run them over. But the MAC truck in front of me didn’t stop! Good thing thanksgiving is not too far away!
Ryan: Oh, its ok you got here a little late. You are only a minute late anyway. I’ve just been sitting here patiently. Don’t worry about it!
Ryan sits down. Matt stays standing.
Ryan: Have a seat, Matt!
Matt pretends to be sitting on a chair
Ryan: Matt, what are you sitting on? There’s no chair there!
Matt looks at where the chair should be then looks at the audience then looks back at here the chair should be
Matt: Oops!
Matt falls over
Matt: Ow!
Ryan: See, told ya there’s no chair there!
Matt grabs a chair of the side of stage right, pulls it up to the table and sits down
Matt: So, how’ve ya been, Ryan? What’s new on the farm?
Ryan: Well, Matt, nothing much has changed. I bought a new car since the last time I saw you!
Matt: Nice! What did you buy?
Ryan: A Mustang! Newest model to! A 1939! I almost didn’t buy it! There was another car I wanted, too!
Matt: What kind was it?
Ryan: A 1917 taxi!
Matt: A taxi! You almost bought a taxi over a mustang! What’s wrong with you!
Ryan: Well one’s ‘A sweet ride’ and the other’s ‘Sweet! A ride.’ And all I needed was a ride! Plus it was cute!
Matt: Ryan, you’re the only person I know that could fall in love with a taxi! If you liked it that much, why didn’t you buy it!
Ryan: Well, it had one small problem, which I found out when I went to take it for a test drive!
Matt: What was that?
Ryan: It had no engine!
Matt: It had no engine? And that’s a small problem? Don’t cars come with engines these days?
Ryan: Well, I guess that’s what ya get shoppin’ at a place called (Ryan starts writinging in that air) ‘Ben’s not so hot wheels’ that’s motto is ‘Our cars come with engines! 100% not guaranteed!’
Matt: Nice! You should tell your brother about that! He’s still a police officer, right?
Ryan: Yep, he is! Speaking of my brother, he told me that one day he was using his speed gun on the side of the road when he saw this car drive by with a bunch a monkeys in the back.
So he pulled the car over and told the driver that he needed to take the monkeys to a zoo!
The next day the car drove by again with the monkeys in the back. Only this time the monkeys were wearing baseball caps.
Well, my brother pulled him over, again, and said to him ‘I told you yesterday to take those monkeys to a zoo’
Well, the man replied ‘I did take them to a zoo yesterday. Today I’m taking them to a baseball game!
Matt: I don’t see why they give drivers licenses to people like that! When I got mine, My dad made me prove it! I remember when I asked my dad if I could get my driver’s license. He said if I studied the Bible, brought my grads to a “B” and cut my hair, I could get it.
So I read the Bible, brought my grades to a “B” buy I didn’t cut my hair!
Well my dad wanted to know why I didn’t cut it. I told him ‘I found in my Bible study that Moses, Samson, John the Baptist and maybe even Jesus all had long hair!’
He replied ‘Did you notice they all walked everywhere they went?’
Ryan: Ya know, your dad was pretty smart! So, what did you do?
Matt: What could I do? I Cut my hair and got my driver’s license! You got it right when you said my dad was smart, I could never trick him!
Ryan: You never could trick people, but you’re real easy to trick. In fact I bet I can trick you before you leave today.
Matt: Yea, right! You can’t trick me!
Ryan: What’s new on your farm?
Matt: Well, not much has changed at my farm either. I made it through the winter. It was so cold that when I milked my cow the milk froze so fast that I had to carry it in like fire wood. And my chickens wouldn’t lay eggs, so I rubbed hot water us their legs. Then they started laying hard boiled eggs.
Other than that, I made it through the winter just fine.
But I lost a bull I lost a bull last week.
Ryan: How did that happed
Matt: Someone shot him.
Ryan shouts
Ryan: What! Someone shot one of your bulls? What kind fool would shoot one of your bulls? Who shot him? Well, whoever it was needs to have some since knocked into him!
Matt: I shot him! He needed to be shot! He broke free and beat a guy up!
Ryan sounds humiliated
Ryan: Oh! (Ryan pauses)What happened?
Matt: Well, Al, my bull, hates warm weather. He hates it even more when people talk about warm weather. Well, my farm hand, Mike, came over to give me some help last week. He started talking about how warm it had been the last few weeks’ right in front of Al’s pen! Needless to say, Al got very mad, broke out of his pen and charged Mike! Mike was so scared that he didn’t move and, well, Al gored him! So I went and got my shot gun and….. I bet you can guess the rest because it’s history!
Ryan: KABOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!(Ryan does whistle that sounds like bomb dropping) SPLAT!!!!!
Matt: Yep, you got that right!
Ryan: Poor Mike!
(Pause after this line)
Ryan: I forgot to tell you that I got a new horse?
Matt: Nice! Do ya like it?
Ryan: Nope!
Matt: Why not?
Ryan: Well, I bought it last month from a guy that said that it didn’t look good pulling his wagon. Well, when I got home I found out the horse is blind! So I took the horse back and asked for my money back. The man replied ‘Nope! I told you that the horse was blind and you still took him’. I told him that he never told me that the horse was blind but he said ‘Nope! I told you that the horse didn’t look good!’
Matt: Who did you buy it from, Old Ronald McDonald?
Ryan: Old Ronald McDonald? Who is……. Oh yea, Old Ronald McDonald! No, he didn’t sell me the horse. But He does make some goooooood French Fries. Hey, did you know that he was in the army with me?
Matt: He was?
Ryan: Yep, he was. He was part of an interrogation team called the External and Internal Extreme Interrogation Operation. Also known as the EIEIO.
Matt: Wow! I didn’t know that. That’s cool! What was the weirdest thing that happened to you when you were in the army?
Ryan: Well, one time when I was of duty for a while and at home. I got a letter from HQ that said “Dear Ryan, We regret to inform you but you have been killed in action!”
Matt: Wow! What did you do?
Ryan: I was so shocked that I died of a heart attack. But thankfully it was during a thunder storm. So they attached the ground wire of our lightning rod to my chest just as it got struck by lightning. Then I remembered it was May 1.
Matt: What did that have to do with it?
Ryan: Well, instead of April 1st being April Fools, May 1st is May Tricks!
Matt: You’re just trying to trick me!
Ryan: Yea, your right!
Matt: Speaking of electri, electrocicole, ho the lighting juice, my sister that lives way out in the country told that one day when she was out sweeping off her porch, this guy drives up in front of her house, jump out and tries to convince her to buy this vacuum cleaner. Then he pulls out this bag of dirt and dumps it on her porch. Then he says ‘if my vacuum can’t suck that up, I’ll eat it myself.’ Well she told him that he’d better start chompin’ because see didn’t have power out there. I think he eat it too.
Ryan: I hear that dirt is good for the digestive system.
Matt picks up a coffee mug and is about to drink from it but suddenly stops
Matt: Hey, what’s this bug doing in my coffee?
Ryan: Probably the back stroke!
Matt: Ha, ha! Very funny! Everyone knows that flies don’t do the back stroke……. They do the crawl!
Matt picks the fly out of coffee and drinks it ALL down in one gulp. Then Matt looks at his watch.
Matt: Look at the time! I need to get going! I have a date today! And it’s not with a taxi!
Ryan: Then what is it with!
Matt: A bucket of dried prunes!
Matt gets up and starts to leave, but his shoelace is untied.
Ryan: Matt, your shoelace is untied
Matt trips over his shoelace!
Ryan: I want say “Should have listened to me”……… All I’ll say is “told ya so!” and “I tricked you”!
Matt exits
Ryan: I can’t believe he was late!
Ryan gets up and exits
Bowing
Bowing
Props:
Small table
Table cloth
Two coffee mugs
Old farmer clothesTwo chairs
Plates
No comments:
Post a Comment