"A Scoutmaster Never Forgets" by Matt Dustin and Paul Bergeron

Paul is standing on stage with a pot of coffee in one hand and drinking out of a mug in the other. Paul is wearing a sign that says “Mr. Bolstridge”

Matt enters wearing a sign that says “Mr. Dustin” and wearing a backpack. Matt also is carrying a mug.

Paul: Morning, Bryan!

Matt: Morning, Jeff! How did you sleep?

Paul gives Matt a “You’ve got to be kidding me” look

Paul: Do I need answer that?

Matt: (empathetically) Same here, what was all that commotion around 12 ‘o’clock about?

Paul: Greg was havin’ nightmares…Somethin’ about Ben Abbett beating him up.

Matt: Poor Greg, he can’t help it.

(Paul nods in agreement and they both take a gulp of coffee)

Paul: So where you off to this mornin’?

Matt: I’m setting up a basic orienteering course, for some of the little target First Class Scouts who just don’t quite get it yet like Matt and Paul.

Paul: Really? You recovered from the last one yet?

Matt: Not really…Remember that time when they all were supposed to bring maps of Mount Washington but instead brought maps of Washington State.

Paul: Ya, well it’s not all their fault, you told them to bring a map of  “Washington.” At least we figured out the distance between Olympia and the Space Needle.

(Matt Roles his eyes)

Paul: Ok, well be careful and make sure you have everything because you never know they’ll forget.

Matt: Oh don’t worry, I’m a Scoutmaster I don’t forget anything

Paul: Well there was that ti…..

Matt: (interrupts Paul) I got my essentials, three extra compasses and my five man tent.

Paul: I thought you were just goin’ out for the afternoon.

Matt: Well you never know with…‘those two’

Paul: Do you have your trail food.

Matt: Would never forget it.

Paul: Got you GPS…. *cough*….just in case. 

Matt: Wouldn’t leave without it.

Paul: Flashlight?

Matt: Yes, I have it because I’m a Scoutmaster that doesn’t forget anything.

Paul: Rain Gear?

Matt: I said, I don’t forget anything!

Paul: Bug spray?

(Matt sets down his coffee)

Matt: Ok Jeff, I’m not going to repeat this again so get it straight: I don’t forget anything!

Paul: Stove

(Matt ignores Paul, picks up his pack and leaves.  Paul continues to question him.)

Paul: Map?

Paul: (louder) Water?

Paul: (louder) Sunscreen

(Paul gives up, shrugs his shoulders and resumes drinking his coffee)

MASON WALKS IN

Mason: 5 hours later

(Mason walks off and Matt Dustin enters slow, staggering and desperate.)

(Paul continues to drink coffee follows matt with his eyes, the appearance of Matt does not seem to faze Paul at all.)

(Matt desperately falls at Paul’s feet out of exhaustion.)

(Paul continues to drink coffee all along looking at Matt, after a while he walks up to matt)

Paul: Well what happened to you? Did you forget your food?

(Matt does not react)

Paul: Did you get mauled by a bear?

(Matt does not react)

(Paul shrugs his shoulders and begins to walk away)

Matt: I…… (Paul stops and turns to look at Matt)…..Forgot……My….Cu…Cu…Cu… Coffee.

Paul: Oh (walks away meanwhile drinking his coffee.)

Props:

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Sign with rope that reads “Mr. Dustin”

Sign with rope that reads “Mr. Bolstridge”

2 coffee mugs

1 coffee pot